I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
