i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
