i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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