so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
