last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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