a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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