She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
