PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
