it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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