I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
