I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.