His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.