Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS