I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.