Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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