last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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