drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
