apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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