Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
