There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
