Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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