Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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