I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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