I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
