new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
