Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
