Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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