I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
