I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
