:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
