You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
