take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
