We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
