flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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