I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
