I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
