I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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