i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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