Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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