Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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