You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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