i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
