I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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