My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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