get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You ruined the universe
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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