you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
