I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?