He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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