Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line