Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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