that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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