That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
