how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
