I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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