I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
