I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
