I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cannot find my penis.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize