Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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