Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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