were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
