what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
