I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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