sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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