So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
why is half of my head shaved?
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