If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
