Sry I called you an 8
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this will be a night to untag.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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