he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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